Digital Parenting: Balancing Screens & Tech for Kids’ Digital Wellness

As parents in the digital age, we’re navigating a new frontier of raising kids with more resources but also more challenges. We don’t want to simply restrict technology — or worse, pretend it doesn’t exist. So, where do we go from here?

What does it mean to be a good digital parent? And how does digital parenting need to evolve for every age?

Digital parenting is about making (and following) a plan that ensures our kids’ digital wellness. This means finding a healthy balance in your family's relationship with technology, one that supports our physical, social, and psychological well-being. A great way to start is by setting a digital wellness plan together as a family. Make it a shared conversation, involving everyone in age-appropriate ways. 

No, your teenager can't say the plan should include endless amounts of screen time, but they can suggest certain days that have more flexibility than others. Similarly, if you have a child under 10, they should not be given unlimited access to YouTube despite their requests (that can’t just be my kids, can it?), but they should have some input on what kinds of screen time they would like to spend their time engaging with.  

The goal of your family’s digital wellness plan — led by you, the digital parent — is to ensure a positive and safe experience for your kids in the digital age, at every age. 

This article guides you with the foundations of digital parenting, plus a plan to get the digital wellness conversation started. You’ll discover how to create and enforce a healthy, shared plan for your family’s digital media, screen, and video game use.

What is Digital Parenting?

In a world driven by technology, the scope of parenting expands to include digital parenting. We can’t just expect our kids to magically discover how to use digital tools when they hit a certain age. 

Digital parenting is the set of skills parents establish and continuously develop to help their kids navigate their digital worlds — and the impact of technology on their offline lives — in safe, responsible, and healthy ways. 

This means:

• Actively engaging in their digital lives
• Guiding and modeling critical thinking skills to evaluate quality and trustworthiness 
• Empowering digital literacy (i.e., our ability to navigate online spaces safely)
• Nurturing a balanced relationship with technology

You likely already have rules for your kids about screens, media, and video games within the household with varying degrees of enforcement. Some rules are non-negotiable, whereas others are a bit more flexible. Some rules may relate to screens within the home, whereas there may be different rules for digital media outside the house. Different rules may exist for older than younger members of the family.  

But digital parenting isn’t just about setting and enforcing rules and screen time guidelines. It involves embracing technology as an integral part of our day-to-day lives. It is part of how our kid’s learn, play, and socialize. Since the beginning of time, parents have parented these aspects of their children’s lives — helping with homework and curating playdates in offline spaces. As parents, we need to adapt these skills into the digital realm.  

Digital parenting is not about fearing screens. Quite the opposite, it’s about continually learning, adapting, and understanding the role they play in our lives.

Why Digital Parenting Matters: Screens are Here to Stay

When we talk about digital parenting, the outcome we’re hoping to achieve is “digital wellness” — a healthy balance with technology that supports our physical, social, and psychological well-being.

Digital wellness also extends beyond the concerns of “screen time” in and of itself, and focuses on the  variety of uses and effects in and around screens, like

• Mental well-being
• Healthy and safe online interactions
• The ability to recognize safe and unsafe online spaces

…and more. 

Helping to encourage digital wellness in our kids means helping them develop critical thinking about the content they are consuming, emotional resilience in the face of disruptive or harmful behavior online, and self-regulation to help moderate the amount of time they are spending in online spaces. This comes from guiding them to understand the role screens play in their lives as tools and giving them the information they need to maintain a healthy digital diet.

It is also really important to have these conversations together, in an open and transparent way, to not only help kids learn to navigate these spaces but also establish open lines of communication. Kids need to know they can go to their parents (or another trusted adult) when they are unsure or need support. 

It is vital to start these conversations acknowledging that digital devices, online interactions, and “screens” in general are not inherently harmful. Can screens be used in maladaptive ways? Absolutely. Can negative interactions happen online? Of course. But that does not mean we throw the baby out with the bathwater. 

Digital parents can approach screens as tools for creativity, learning, and social connection. They can best equip their kids with the life skills needed to navigate our increasingly screen-based world by fostering curiosity and responsibility in screen-based spaces.

Active Digital Parenting

Historically, parenting approaches around screen time have been to restrict screen time, block access to specific platforms or people, or ban devices altogether. While these options can remain in the digital parent’s toolbox, there are more effective strategies to help kids learn to navigate these spaces independently. 

After all, we can’t be everywhere, all the time, forever — especially online! Digital parents can instead shift their focus away from control and towards collaboration. This means that in addition to setting rules, we should:

• Engage in open conversations about online experiences
• Guide kids in making responsible choices
• Model healthy digital habits

And yes, I fully acknowledge that the last one is often the hardest! But don’t worry, you can start small. 

For example, I've started leaving my phone plugged in during the morning school routine. Do I really need to check my email before 8 AM? I really don’t. And by leaving it in my bedroom for those morning hours, I am modeling what digital boundaries look like for my children. 

So, how can we engage and guide?

Think of engagement more as co-engagement, since you’re also guiding healthy choices, fostering trust, and opening two-way lanes of communication. This helps kids grow into independent, thoughtful, and responsible digital citizens. 

Guiding our children to make responsible choices is about fostering empowerment by equipping our kids with resources, education, and tools for them to build autonomy in these spaces. It also includes encouragement. Encouraging or suggesting guidelines, rather than enacting prescriptive rules, will help kids navigate digital tools and communities on their own, with confidence. By putting them on the right path and nurturing them to grow their own perspectives, our kids can maintain a healthy relationship with technology as it advances and they grow older.

With an approach based on guidance and engagement (co-engagement, empowerment, and encouragement), rather than one based on rules, we can move away from a restrictive, fear-based mindset toward one of trust and opportunity.

Let me be clear, though — this does not mean there are no rules. Rather, it’s about being flexible. Digital parents need to keep context in mind. It is okay to play more video games on the weekend than during the week, for instance. Keep an open line of communication with your kids to help them maintain a balanced relationship with screens.

Now that we have our mental parameters, let’s talk about how this translates into practice.

Creating Your Digital Wellness Guide

Part of digital parenting means doing what we can to support digital wellness for our children as they learn to navigate these spaces. 

Digital wellness is the practice of maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship with digital technologies that supports our overall well-being. This includes the responsible and mindful use of digital devices, fostering digital literacy, and maintaining online safety, among other things. Creating a digital wellness guide can help us, as parents, ensure that we are working towards these goals. 

As we sit down to create a play, let’s be clear: These are guidelines meant to be broad, inspiring goalposts, not strict prescriptions on how to raise your family. Not all families are the same, not all kids are the same, and not all screen time is the same.

How can I be a good digital parent?

While every family’s digital wellness plan will be different, here are three things to keep in mind when determining what is good for you and yours:

• Be action-oriented
• Stay flexible
• Set limits

Let’s dig into these so you can be the best digital parent you can be with a reliable digital wellness plan in your pocket. 

Prioritize Action-Oriented Guidelines

Any plan you make should include actionable steps. What does that mean?

Well, setting a goal of “less screen time during the week” is too vague and not specific to the actions needed to achieve it. It leaves too many questions, like:

• What does “less” mean?
• Why only during the week?
• Why is it about time, not content?

Instead, try to pivot to action-oriented goals. These could look like:

• Establish tech-free zones: Set specific areas (like the dinner table) where screens are not allowed to help reduce distractions during times when family communication is the priority.
• Model healthy digital habits: Caregivers could commit to leading by example by practicing mindful technology use, such as putting their phone away during family time.
• Create a family agreement: Collaborate with the whole family on specific written guidelines about appropriate content, online safety, and expectations around digital interactions (I love this template).

Every guideline should connect to a clear action (or inaction) in support of digital wellness. 

Stay Flexible in Your Approach

Any plan, pact, or set of rules you establish in your family should have some built-in flexibility. A one-size-fits-all, every-day-forever kind of plan does not account for:

• Different ages
• Evolving developmental needs
• Changing environments 

Personally, I played a lot more online games with my friends when I was feeling particularly lonely, had more free time during a school holiday, or on the weekends. Baking in that flexibility will allow you, the digital parent, and your kids, to adapt as everyone grows and as screen time activities evolve. 

The digital parent's goal is to create a digital wellness plan that is sustainable. It should take a balanced approach to technology to foster positive habits, open communication, and a healthy relationship with digital media. 

Set Your Time, Content, and Personal Limits 

The foundation of any digital parent’s digital wellness plan should consider time, content, and personal limits. While the quality of content your child is consuming is generally more important than time restrictions, that doesn’t mean that you should not have any time restrictions. 

For example, I’ve set my child’s computer to lock them out after two hours of use on weekdays and set the time to be a bit longer on the weekends. Sometimes, I extend their time during the week, but usually, they take that restriction as a nudge to find something non-screen-related to do. 

Discussing and agreeing on content restrictions is also important, as your child will likely be interacting with screens in places beyond your control: school, a friend’s house, in public, and more. Like any other developmentally appropriate activities in your child’s life, they will gain more and more independence as they grow. 

That’s why I recommend more parental involvement during younger years, then shifting toward a more consultational approach as children get older. Teens, especially, should be prepared with digital media literacy and an eye for online safety before they’re cut loose in the online world. 

Make sure your kids know the same rules apply outside of the home. You may also want to let other parents know your rules and limitations. 

Finally, personal limits — these are ones each individual in the family sets, unique to their own preferences, comfort levels, and needs. For example, in my house, we don’t watch certain shows or play certain video games. Not because there is anything inherently wrong with them, but just because it doesn’t work for us (for instance, anything with a jump scare is immediately out for us!). 

Ready to get started? Here’s how to kick off the conversation. 

Digital Parenting in Action: Getting the Conversation Started

Before building a plan, it can be helpful to get the conversation started around the importance of a plan with your family. Here are some conversation starters to help get your family talking about and understanding what parameters you want to set around screen use. 

• What do you enjoy most about using screens?
  Why ask: This will give you a sense of where your kids will want to be spending their screen time and why.
• How do you feel when you spend a lot of time on screens? How do you feel when you take a break?
  This can help your kids start to understand that too much of anything can feel not great. Have them check in with how it feels in their body (eye strain, sore muscles for sitting in the same position too long, etc.).
• What are some non-screen activities you love and want to make time for?
  This will help provide you a list of things they want to do as alternatives. So when you say, “hey, maybe take a break from the screen,” you have another activity that they love to direct them towards.
• What do you like to watch/play together?
  This will give you some ideas of what they would like to do together as a family. Maybe it is watching a favorite movie or play a specific multiplayer game together.
• What are some rules that would help us all use screens in a way that is balanced and healthy?
  When your kids are the ones to set the boundaries, they are likely to take greater ownership of them. 

Be ready, of course, for some self-reflection. This is when your kids might say, “you shouldn’t be on your phone at the dinner table!” At least, that’s what my kids said after we had this conversation!

A Digital Parents' Checklist for Digital Wellness

To help get your digital wellness plan to paper, here are a few key categories to keep in mind and address in your family plan. Remember, the goal is to balance safety, screen time, and digital well-being while adapting to your own family’s unique needs. 

You can use this framework as a jumping-off point to create a plan that grows with your family. Also, plans work best if they are co-created with all members of your family so everyone can have a sense of shared ownership.

1. Set clear boundaries and expectations
   1. Screen-free zones? (e.g., dinner table, bedrooms)
   2. Screen-free times? (e.g., during meals, an hour before bedtime)
   3. Time limits? (adjusted by age and activity, such as educational vs entertainment use)
   4. Content limits? (e.g., certain kinds of shows or characters off limits?)
2. Address safety and privacy
   1. Discuss how to stay safe online (i.e., not sharing personal information or interacting with strangers)
   2. Set parental controls and privacy settings (do this together! So they can see what is being restricted and you can talk to them about why)
   3. Create an open door policy for discussing concerns 
3. Encourage balance
   1. Prioritize active screen use (creating, learning) over passive screen use (endless scrolling)
   2. Model healthy digital habits as parents

In addition to a plan for the use of digital technology in your home, I strongly suggest taking a deep dive into making an online digital safety plan, especially as your children start to get older.

Digital Parents, Meet the Digital Diet

Empowering and nurturing digital wellness for our kids, and the rest of the family, requires keeping a balanced digital diet. Raising healthy kids in a digital, screen-heavy world starts with us, the (digital) parents.

You’ll love this comprehensive guide to children’s screen time that goes even deeper into the science and philosophy behind modern digital parenting. 

About the Author: Dr. Rachel Kowert

Rachel Kowert, PhD is a research psychologist, award-winning author, and Nurture's Digital Parenting Expert. Her evidence-based work helps parents navigate screen time, online safety, and gaming's impact on child development. As a leading authority on digital games research and globally recognized advocate for digital literacy, she empowers families to make informed decisions about technology use. Her research-backed insights have been featured in The Washington Post, New York Times, and Wired Magazine. Dr. Kowert brings her expertise as both a researcher and parent to help families build healthy relationships with technology.